It already feels like the end of the year.
Hello, my name is Phuong
My existence on this Planet Earth has miraculously been extended to more than 23 years and I can't be anymore surprised.
Number of things I achieved this year: zero.
No award. No special mention in any category.
but if you count quitting Facebook as an achievement then, hooray, I got one.
and alcohol, I have been clean for 3 months now
but ay, it wasn't all that bad with the alcohol.
the more I down, the higher my esteem get. Temporarily. after that, it just spirals down the extreme roller coaster of my intestines and down the toilet. hell.
Let's talk about hell
My last boss suggested that I should start a diary (that all happened before I call it quit) to straighten my entangled thoughts down in proper words.
I guess, the problem with it was that she didn't specify that I should get a PAPER diary, I have diligently recorded a digital diary everyday with "hmmmmmmmm" and there wasn't enough "hm" to fill up 32GB space in the diary as I originally thought, also it was repetitive it sort of fits the definition of insanity so I stopped. Guess my stream of thoughts is as sacred as my words. as though it stucks in a perpetual ice age. frozen.
Now I want ice shaved dessert.
The one that gives you brain freeze.
I have been very forgetful these days.
At first, it's a series of names
then it's series of strangers I appeared along with in photographs.
then it's recent events, conversations that I couldn't recall.
Must have been the lack of tomatoes in my diet. You should see the price of that thing, it's rocketing to the space, landing on one of the furthest planet on the other side of the universe.
What's the name of that constellation?
My horoscope reads: Take longer than usual to make up your mind -- you know you need the time! Things are getting weird, but you can meet them halfway and maybe even take them to a whole new level! . it's from Astrology.com. What does it even mean? You can't just say a whole bunch of general shits and then drop them off the cliff.
Cliff-hanger, I wonder if it's a brother of coat-hanger, much bigger, more muscular brother.
Sometimes, my thoughts jump from one place to another. They're very athletic, if not mention, very acrobatic as well. I would totally award them if I could.
This place is very self-deprecating from the start.
I don't see the end. Not yet. Sometime you have to imagine yourself as a small snowpea floating in a big pot of vegetable soup and know that your existence doesn't matter, and that there are bigger things out there than you, beyond your knowledge and your control of how much salt and pepper you put in the soup.
I almost spat the whole thing out.
This is what happen when you read life philosophy while checking the planetarium app and also multitask on making sure you don't pour the whole jar of pepper in that bubbling pot of soup.
But if I can, I would like the pepper, wait I mean the snow pea... or is that the tomato. Oh right, the tomato price would drop so I can have tomato soup, so I would remember what I was meaning to talk about before I accidentally mention the pepper and forgot about what I was meaning to ...
I was 1, and then I was 23 and if I time-traveled to see my 1-year-old self and get stuck in that time, would 23 year-old me age anymore because I theoretically don't exist in the time where I would age normally. And if I don't exist, it means I die but I am still alive but at a different point of my own timeline and well, I'm not so sure where this would go so just leave it at that.
but soon it's gonna be the end of the year.
Snapping your fingers
Tapping your toes
You are humming in tune
You know, you know
This is a new day
This is a new day
This is a new day today
♫: the truth ~ Sally Seltmann